The one with the horoscope

"Somewhere in the back of your mind, there’s an ideal vision of how things should be. This attractive image is both unrealistic and insidious. Each time you compare your actual life to the golden dream, you feel somehow inadequate. All you actually now need to do is stop setting yourself such artificially high standards. Your present situation is extremely acceptable and, in some ways, even enviable. Don’t pollute its positivity and purity by mixing it up with an empty fantasy."

I read this passage in the horoscope section of the papers some time last week. On any other given day, I would have just flipped the horoscope page over and go straight to the comic section. Somehow, I could not help myself. I CHOSE to read my horoscope this day. Strangely enough, what was written got me thinking. And then I said to myself, do I really want to believe in this? Deep down inside I didn't. I didn't want my fantasy to go away. I didn't want to lose it. What I read that day was true. I was holding on to this "perfect image" that didnt quite exist, yet I want it to...so badly.

*****
It's been about a week since I read the horoscope. It's still in my mind constantly. And I try so hard not to believe in horoscopes. But this one...it's hard not to. But at the same time, I wanna believe in my dreams and imagination.

*****

The one with the appropriate break up

J - its nt U, its me :(

Q I want to break up with my partner, but I'm dreading a scene. I'm not going to change my mind, so there's no point talking. Could I tell them it's over by email or text message?

A Whether or not a form of communication is considered polite or appropriate evolves over time. "Dear John" letters have been written for centuries. It might have been considered preferable to dump someone face to face, but few people would think a letter was totally rude, unlike a telegram. Technology is constantly changing. In the 1980s, when Phil Collins split up with his wife by fax, everyone was aghast. Now, I suppose an email would be seen as less inoffensive than a text message.

Although very popular, I think texting is seen as being appropriate for short, practical messages (buy milk/CU @ 5), or for casual communication. In a romantic relationship, no one minds some text flirting (miss U/yr sexy). But, when it comes to more important communication, most people would prefer to be spoken to face to face, or at least over the phone. Very few people would text a proposal of marriage, or tell their partner they're pregnant. Breaking up with someone by text is about as sensitive as texting condolences. It is cruel, cowardly and disrespectful.

No one enjoys having painful conversations. Being able to face your responsibilities and to deal with consequences is part of growing up. The problem is that, by avoiding short-term pain, you never learn how to negotiate, communicate or be assertive. When you get into a long-term relationship, you suffer because you haven't learned those vital skills. Maintaining a relationship involves going through this process repeatedly.

If you fear an emotional scene, it might be possible to prepare the ground by writing a letter. You can express your concerns, set out facts and make suggestions. The person has a chance to react, calm down and think about it. However, the letter must be followed up with a face-to-face conversation. The other partner has a right to ask questions and do what's necessary to get closure.

Put yourself in your partner's shoes. How would you feel if someone did this to you? In the long run you will have a clear conscience knowing you've done the honourable thing. Be brave.

*Written by: Maureen Matthews

The one where my brain shuts down

It's been a while, hasn't it?
I really feel like blogging today
but my brain has already shut down.
I'll be back tomorrow with a post.

The one with my favourite cover

The one where Janice visits Penang

As promised, here are the long awaited photos from my trip back home this July/Aug. I think there are some great shots here and I wished more ppl could have joined in the laughter and fun we had. But worry you not, there's always another time! Someone will make sure there will be one..hehe..Us and the percussion master! Master the machine we certainly did!
Our tickets up Penang Hill. Due to uncontrollable crowds, our fantabulous sales lady *cough*ling wei*cough* managed to persuade another group of 4 ladies eager to go up the hill. For more info regarding our fantabulous sales lady, please ask one of us present at the scene! :P

Had dim sum for breakkie before heading up Penang Hill.
After selling our tickets, we decided to go to Kek Lok Si temple instead, in the sweltering heat btw. Nonetheless, we had lots of fun and photo shots. Please note: Only the nicer photos were uploaded as other photos at the temple had squinted or completely closed eyes due to the strong glare.
Our next stop: Any place we could get icy cold drinks to quench our thirst. Where better than Chilli's: bottomless drinks! not forgetting chips. Many of you know that ID may be asked to be produced before entering clubs or casinos, but did you know that one of us was asked to produce ID at Chilli's?! After so many drinks and so much chips we headed to Bon Odori. Didn't spend much time there but Ling Wei and Goh won some fishes!

Off on the ferry boat we went to Tambun after Bon Odori. Loved the ride. Was impressed at the way the jaga kereta guy remembered the driver of each car! Our last stop was coffee bean at Autocity.

It was definitely a tiring yet eventful 2 days that we spent together. If I were writing this as soon as I got back from this trip,I would have said that I don't know when's the next time I'll be back and have another gathering. Little did I know that I would be back again last week! Photos from next week will be up once photos are compiled from our director of photography (wen).

xoxo

The one after two months

Boy does time fly. 2 months have gone by without a single post, how sad. I can't believe its almost the end of October now, and before you know it, bam! 2008 is here.

So many things happened since i last updated. The only problem is, I really can't remember everything.

Let's start with my holiday. It came and went so quickly. No doubt, i had the best time. Caught up with everyone I could, although I would have loved to catch up with a few more people whom I couldn't (lack of time). Next trip, hey? Anyway, had an A-W-E-S-O-M-E time hanging out with childhood buddies. Sleepless nites yakking away reminiscing old days, laughing at our stupidity during our younger days, non stop photo taking, oh the fun we had. all good things come to an end :( Did so much shopping on back home. Everything was so cheap, 3 quarters of my luggage was stuffed with stuff i bought back home - clothes, shoes, food, etc. Was in Singapore a few days. Caught up with SuSu. Very grateful to her for letting me bunk at her place. Saved me a bunch of $$. She had to work the first couple days i was there, so I decided to explore Singapore myself. I did well, didn't get lost, got home safely. Wedding I attended there was good. I love weddings - beautiful people, lovely smiles and flowers, happy families. Simple church ceremony in a rustic old church and an exquisite dinner in a posh beautifully decorated restaurant. That's it for my holiday. Next topic.

I've been deliberating switching jobs. My current work place has lost its special feel - that bond that we used to have. No more tolerance, no more team work, no more energy, no more fun! Me no likey :( I've tried to make it a better place, but my efforts does not seem to be working. What more, 3 colleagues whom I love have left! Arrgghh! Amidst all this, a perfect opportunity has come up. A role that I want so badly. I have submitted my application, waiting for an interview and a hopeful outcome.

About 2 weeks ago, I moved into my new apartment. Omg the stress and agony of finding a place in Melbourne is horrible! I never knew it was so hard to rent a place here. I was on the verge of freaking out, and finally after looking high and low, i managed to secure a place. One problem solved, but another crept in. Geez. According to building policy (stupid building policy) no one can move in or out on Sundays. I was like WTF!! But Sunday is the ONLY day i have time to move! I've gotta work the rest of the days, plus that's the only day my brother can help me move! Anyway, so I decided to call movers to help me move on Monday. I did not have a choice. Had to spend a bomb on them. Luckily the service was good and they were 2 really nice guys. They made my day :)

The one with the after effect of a stressed out week

This is where I'm at after a stressed out week: SICK SICK SICK!!

I've now caught the cold bug and have taken a day and a half sick leave. If I don't get better anytime soon, I'll be taking another extra day. It sucks to be sick!

The one with the horrible week

I've dug up miles and miles of sand
Searching for something I can't see
And I've just got bruised and battered hands
And a brand new void inside of me
Complete with walls I did create
From all the earth that I've displaced
A mess that I have made from what
I've just let pile and pile up
I have not been abandoned, no I have not been deserted
And I have not been forgotten
I need you now, I need security somehow
You're the only thing I want
Cause you're everything I need

Sigh..this week has been one long physically, mentally and emotionally draining week. I've used up all my energy and strength, and will power that I don't think I have enough to survive the next week. I can't believe the place I've come back to after my annual leave has turned into this - a total mess! Working under new management is one thing, but working with colleagues who are a pain is another thing! And i'm talking about NEW colleagues mind you! It's really hard when you are not working in a conducive environment like the one i'm used to, and working with literally no support from your pillars of strength, no one to turn to for help, no one to catch you when you fall, no one to save you from drowning. The past week has been that horrible, it has made me think twice about whether i want to continue with my role.

The one with only the memory

Do you remember the first day we kissed?
It still sends chills down my spine.
I wish I could have that one moment back.

The one with the holiday

*Fly the ocean in a silver plane,
See the jungle when its wet with rain,
Just remember 'til you're home again,
You belong to me.*

In 24 hours, I would be on my flight home!! I am so excited. Can't wait to see everyone back home, can't wait to be a glutton and put on a few kilos, downing all the food i've missed. Can't wait to just relax and not be working. Can't wait to shop till I drop! I've probably been planning this trip since forever, and its always getting postponed. It is finally here, and its official!

*Flashback to Monday the 25th*
This is the Monday i had the interview for the promotion. I dreaded this day to be honest. Went in to work, did some recruitment calls, interview a few, and the ironically enough, it was MY turn to be interview. Amberlie and Claire were both interviewing me. And I kinda went in with a clear head that i DID NOT want to take up the promotion, whether or not i got it. And i think my decision was so clear, it showed through my exterior. I was however, answering interview questions half heartedly. Sadly enough, i wasn't disappointed at all at how I was proceeding with the interview. I just didn't bother, cos deep down inside, I knew that neither did I NEED nor WANT the extra pressure/stress/workload/responsibility/watever you wanna call it. I left the interview room with the strangest feeling on earth. One, I felt bad for wasting both, Amberlie's and Claire's time. Two, I felt bad for giving Amberlie false hope/expectations. Three, for feeling good that i blew an interview! See, told ya! STRANGEST FEELING! So yeah, after that I was asked to leave the room, whilst Amberlie and Claire "share notes". After that came to an end, I went back to doing recruitment calls/interview with Claire. And i just felt awful, and horrible, and down :( Claire could see right through me, and asked what's wrong? And I just said I didn't feel right. She was really understanding, so I left it at that for the day. This was only 1pm. So to cheer me up, I went for some retail therapy. Sure enough, I bounced back to being at least 50% happy. Sometime during my shopping spree, Amberlie called me on my mobile, she wanted to tell me that I was not successful in the interview (NOT to my surprise at all!) what are the odds! And i told her, honestly, I didn't feel I was ready for it, and I'm happy where I am at the moment. She also said that she realizes my contributions at work, and that I play a big part to my manager, and any one who manages at my place, would be lucky to have me :) that made my day! So that was my Monday.

Anyhoo, back to packing now! Still got lots to do before i leave. Till then, ciao!

The one with the great day

Job update:

Amberlie called me to book me in for an interview for the position that I applied for. Monday morning whilst i'm at Richmond doing HR work. How bizarre. Anyway, everyone's really supporting me, everyone's got my back. The fact that the position is at another branch kinda puts me off a little, but the fact that the position at central will be vacant pretty soon is inviting. I would not mind it at all i reckon if i get the position at central :) Well, we'll see how everything goes.

Dreams:

I've still been having pretty good dreams this week. Can't remember all of them exactly, but i wake up each morning smiling. loving it!

Holiday:

13 more sleeps till I go on holidays!! Can't wait, can't wait!! Still have lots of shopping to do. Couldnt have done earlier even if i wanted to, cos i've been broke! Payday was today, so now i've got more $$ :)

Work:

Been bitching about this freaking manager over at another branch. She's such a lazy bum, i dont even know how she got the job in the first place - not knowing what to do, not knowing how to manage her staff, taking leave/calling in sick every other day..argghHh!Hhhh!! pisses me off!! On the other hand, I've just been given a pay rise!! yay for me! This payrise is long over due, and my manager has organised for it to be backdated!! so my next paycheck's gonna be massive!! *excited*

The one with all the feelings

I FEEL ABSOLUTELY DISAPPOINTED.

A couple of things happened today that just made me feel this way. I dont really feel like explaining myself.

On the other hand, a part of me feel blessed, thankful, and appreciated :)

16 more sleeps till HOME!!!

The one with the job application

So after a whole lot of thinking and uncertainty, i applied for the job. I was trying to get advice from everyone possible. Spoke to Jono, Maree, Lisa, Tamara, and everyone had their 2 cents worth. I then called Claire, who i work with in HR, and she told me to give it a shot. There's no harm in applying, and so i did! So there i was, an hour before the application closes, applying for it. Managed to submit my application on time, and i kinda felt a little bit good at the end, kinda bittersweet. Cos it would be good to be CCM, but it would be awful to leave central and all the cool people i love! Oh well, we shall see how it goes.

The one where i'm stuck in a dilemma

ArrgghhH!!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!! I've been given the opportunity to "compete" for a position open at my company. Basically it's a promotion if you're the best amongst all the interviewees. Was talking to my manager a few days ago, and she was encouraging me to apply, as she sees great potential in me, and thinks that i would be great in that position! *flattered* and *shy* HOWEVER!!! the position is based elsewhere and not at central! and i love central. i dont wanna leave central! such a dilemma. Should i apply? should i not? I DON't KNOW!! Maybe i'll apply for the sake of it. and see how it goes. wait and see where the position is based at. I shall speak to someone who can give me advice on this tmrw. aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrhhhhhh!!!

The one with the long update

I think i have lots to update on.

*Things that have been happening all May/June long*

See, but the thing is, i dont even think i can remember!! I'll try, but i probably won't remember everything. We'll start of with an awesome month in work. My foot's finally in the HR world. Have been working closely with Claire, who's our HR advisor. It's been great, learnt heaps of stuff and I get to sit in on all the juicy meetings, conferences and stuff like that, which more often that not, it will remain confidential. I was also invited to OZMO, it's our company's annual awards dinner held in Sydney. I was so moved that i was invited. Cool stuff, HOWEVER!!! i will not be able to make it to this all expenses paid event (flight, hotel, etc) because i will not be here then!! DAMMIT!! but anyway, there's always next year.

Had a going away party for my former manager sometime in may. It was a pretty cool gathering, lots to drink, lots to chat. Miss u heaps Mich!! Come back to central! Jayno was there too, and we miss her too!

I've been having lots of lovely dreams this past few weeks. I go to bed smiling, reflecting on all the beautiful things that happened, and I wake up smiling as well reflecting on the beautiful dreams i've had, trying to remember them.

The wonderful world of music has once again made my life a pleasure to live. The fabulous bands have prevailed and made words into lyrics. beats into rhythm. noise into music. And being able to share that love for music with someone else is amazing. Thanks Jono!! You're the best!

One of my close friends is expecting her first baby!! She's excited and i'm so excited for her! I wonder what she'll name her baby. Shall we start thinking of names now? Hhmm...

I'm looking forward to July. My long awaited holiday. I've used up all of my annual leave for a holiday back home. A well deserved holiday i might add. Everyone at work is glad that i'm finally taking a holiday, cos i've been working my ass offf, and they think i deserve a holiday too. One of my colleagues texted me the other day, and he said that we should bottle up my blood and clone me!! The next day i went in to work and told him, i think i may be afraid of drawing blood!! argghH! Anyway, back to holiday talk. Will be going back home for 4 week, with a detour in Singapore on the way home for a few days. Main reason for the detour: BEST FRIEND"S WEDDING!! I'm so thrilled she's found happiness. I can't wait to see her walk down that aisle in her gorgeous gown and marrying the man of her dreams. On a different note, i can't wait to return home and meet up with all these people whom i haven't seen/met in 2 and a half years! I wonder how everyone's changed/grown. I wonder what the little town that I grew up in looks like. I wonder what my house looks like. My school. My friends. My dogs. My room! Cant wait, cant wait, cant wait!!!!!

I'm officially broke. I've spent so much on shopping, air ticket, etc i've barely got any $$ left. Which is sad, cos now i can't buy stuff :( I need to formulate a plan in which i will be loaded with cash. haha..how i wish!

Anyways, i think that is all for now. Will TRY my best to update on a regular basis from now on.

22 more sleeps till HOME!!

i love the smell of...

Freshly Laundered Clothing

Coffee Beans

Corriander

Rain

Freshly Baked Bread

Lavender

Strength within

Sometimes you just feel tired, feel week. When you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up. But you gotta search within you. Got to find that inner strength, and just pull that shit out of you. And get that motivation to not give up and not be a quitter. No matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse.

Wheee...

This week has been a really smooth week for me. My manager is away on leave, therefore i am left in charge of my dear little team. Every one in my team is great, that makes my life so much easier! My manager has got a lot under her belt, but i'm surviving. Taking one day at a time. This is the second time my manager has been away for an extended period, hence the second time i've been left in charge. And no doubt, this time has been so much better. I'm more experienced, I know exactly what i'm doing, and what i'm supposed to be doing. I know exactly what my team members need to do, and it feels great. I dont hate it as much as i did the last time, and i don't mind doing it at all.

Didnt have to go in to work today. Went to the regional office for 2IC training. It was a good session. Plus i didnt have to go in to work. Rang work, and my team's strong and still surviving without me. yay for them!

I feel happy today :)

Passion

I feel Electrified, G.L.O.R.I.F.I.E.D, revived!! I once again feel that passion that lies deep beneath every note that is hit, every chord that is played, every beat that beats, every word that is sung. Nothing compares to this wonderful feeling, so much so, that I envy every musician. Not only do they get to do what they love as a career, but they get to share that love with the world. I mean, what would this world be without music? Can u live with only silence?

The Quest

To dream, the impossible dream.
To fight, the unbeatable foe.
To bear, with unbearable sorrow.
To run, where the brave dare not go.
To right, the unrightable wrong.
To love, pure and chaste from afar.
To try, when your arms are too weary.
To reach, the unreachable star.

This is my quest, to follow that star.
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far.
To fight for the right, without question or pause.
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause.

And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie will lie peaceful and calm,
when I'm laid to my rest.
And the world will be better for this.
That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,
To reach, the unreachable star...